Seen one chick judge, you’ve seen ‘em all
Justices Sandra Day O’Connor and Ruth Bader Ginsburg may not look like twins, but male lawyers arguing before the high court have a tendency to confuse the two. Attorneys Laurence Tribe, Walter Dellinger, and the late Bruce Ennis have all made the faux pas. The mix-up happens so often, the two justices were given T-shirts that say I’M RUTH, NOT SANDRA and vice versa. Last fall, Justice Ginsburg noted that the preceding term was the first one in which no arguer had confused her with her female colleague. “It took six years,” said Ginsburg in a speech in New York. “That, to me, is a sign that we’ve really made it.”

The cow thing would have been less painful
After delivering a series of contradictory responses to justices’ questions in Shalala v. Whitecotton in 1995, attorney Robert Moxley received one of Chief Justice William Rehnquist’s harshest rebukes in years. “How can you stand up there at the rostrum and give these totally inconsistent answers?” asked the chief justice. When Moxley said he was sorry, Rehnquist replied, “Well, you should be.” Then Moxley tried, “I didn’t mean to confuse the Court.” Rehnquist countered: “You . . . haven’t confused us so much as just made us gravely wonder, you know, how well prepared you are for this argument.” When Moxley tried to respond, Rehnquist cut him off with “Your time has expired.” Moxley reflected on the experience with more eloquence than he’d been able to muster in court: “I felt like I dropped out of a tall cow’s ass.”

Some ties don’t bind
During his oral arguments in the 1992 case Quill Corp. v. North Dakota, then North Dakota attorney general Nicholas Spaeth sported a tie that Justice Byron White had given him years earlier when he had been White’s clerk. At one point, Spaeth brought up the tie, saying that he wore it specifically because he wished for Justice White’s vote to overturn a precedent in his case. Spaeth’s little “joke” was received with deadpan silence. Then Justice Anthony Kennedy crossly responded, “Do you have any better reasons?” Spaeth, of course, lost the case.

Muther Lartin for Mr. Fletcher, your honor
While representing Robert Fletcher in the 1809 Fletcher v. Peck case, Luther Martin apparently did more than take a nip of whiskey to relieve last-minute jitters. In fact, Martin appeared before the high court so plainly drunk that the justices were forced to adjourn until he sobered up. He lost the case but learned a valuable lesson. Wait, check that. Ten years later, Martin showed up to argue McCulloch v. Maryland sloshed once again.

At least he didn’t mix up Ginsburg and O’Connor
In Bush v. Gore—only one of the most publicized cases of all time—attorney Joseph Klock Jr., representing Florida secretary of state Katherine Harris, twice called justices by the wrong name. The first gaffe occurred when he addressed Justice John Paul Stevens, the oldest member of the court, as “Justice [William] Brennan,” the former justice who died more than three years ago. Minutes later, responding to a flurry of questions from Justice David Souter, Klock mistook him for Justice Stephen Breyer. Souter interrupted, “I’m Justice Souter. You’ve got to cut that out.” Klock responded, “I will now give up.” Justice Antonin Scalia provoked laughter from the crowd when he prefaced his next question with “Mr. Klock? I’m Scalia.” Klock answered, “Yes, sir. I remember that. It will be hard to forget.”